We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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