I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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