oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
