So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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