im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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