I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
