Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize