i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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