If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
