There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
