Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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