And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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