highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
