Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
