Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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