I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
