Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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