took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
