Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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