I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
