so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
