i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
