I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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