Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
