Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP