Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??