Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
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Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.