She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .