It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it