we made out on top of his cat.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
