It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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