I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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