i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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