I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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