We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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