I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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