So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
