I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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