I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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