This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
