Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
