this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
