yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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