Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
