The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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