can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
