Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
