Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
