I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
