So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
