I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
