As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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