I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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