i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
