I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
