Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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