Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
