Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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