definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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