how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
