Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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