Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
