i think i have herpe
just one?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize