dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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