I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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